BLANK SPACE.

Look at you, my darling soul , all crumpled up and doomed under the canopy of fairy lights and white sheets in your bedroom. When all the camera flashes were busy yesterday , capturing you in your perfect Armani gown and Swarovski crystals , little did they know that there was a broken face which was beyond repair and  you had managed successfully  to hide it beneath  your mask. Your thoughts are destructive.  You cannot think anything else , but Him. On how his smile used to reach his eyes , his  ruffled hair and dimpled cheeks. His arms were your home that held you when you were at your worst. But you , YOU knew that this was not going to last. Eventually , like the Blink 182  song that always plays in his truck , this too will stop in  midway and you will never get to know the lyrics. Then , why the regrets now?

Yes , you may still love him and you still snuggle up in his coat and let his presence envelop you. He has seen it all..... from the messed up buns to your smudged kajal and mascara , your messy room and heart... everything. Of all the people , you had let him in and he affected you the way like no one else did. What you had between was more platonic than carnal. That's why you miss him now , with your every passing breath.

He is like this red wine stain you have in your white off shoulder gown that you wore on your first date. You look in the mirror and you see a ghost of the smile you once had when you were with him. One moment you wish that you had never met him , but the other second you smile at the memory on how he clutched your hands tightly when you took him to your favourite spot on the City Tower to watch the whole town washed in lights and he was scared of heights. Even the Bohemian dream catcher in your bedroom is not helping with your nightmares. It's the same one always , isn't it? You are searching for him in a sea of strangers and getting panicked and hysterical for no reason . But know this , my dear , YOU made the choice of glittering gowns and cold diamonds over his warm and unconditional love.

When you met him , no one else mattered , but just him. Today , just stop. Look at today. Realise nothing matters. NOTHING.

Today , there is no one for you to go back and fill in with every small and insignificant detail of your boring life. NO ONE.

But the most important thing is that you are breathing and you are okay. It takes a hell lot of courage to withstand the pain , but you're doing just fine.You're not at his doorstep , begging him to start over and it is then that you realise that you have truly let him go. He will be always there in the back of your mind  and you will dust off your memories that you have of him every now and then.

You eventually make out through everything. The pain , the cut , the suffocation. You get to the point where you're okay with it. And that is okay. Till yesterday , you just saw Phoenixes as an imaginary bird rising again from its own ashes. But today , when you look yourself  in the mirror , you realise that they're not mythical at all.

PS. I began this with a totally different plot , but this one ended up somewhere least expected....:)

LoVe MoRe & sMiLe OfTeN!!!!!!!!!!

This is Midnight girl signing out..................:D :D

UNFAIR & LOVELY.

I was flipping through the channels the other day , and as usual , a string of ads popped up. Half of them were endorsing clothing lines and “macchar – bhagane wala sprays” and the other half about detergents and “chiknayi hatane wala saabun”. But there was this one particular ad which showed a woman in her 20’s , dressed in salwaar kameez and a bit dark in her complexion attending a job interview. The Head of the Interview Board , just look at her and crinkles his nose , glances through the files which , I assume , hold the proof that she has worked her ass off for past 18-19 years. And then , so casually , in a very business like tone he says that “she is just not fit for that particular post. “ As expected , the girl is heart broken and goes and looks herself in the mirror. It is then “that annoying model who looks flawless with her layers of primer , foundation , concealer  and compact powder on her face” pops upon the screen with the fairness cream which makes you fair just in a week!  Our poor victim uses the same and viola! She gets a total makeover!  She is now REALLY fair , more confident and goes to the same work interview in a crisp white shirt and jeans , with the same files (please take a note , THE same files) and guess what? The Head of the company is clean bowled and she bags the job. End of the  story.

I sit and watch this 1 minute ad and try to make some sense out of the same. She did carry the same files and certificates both the times and the interview board didn’t give a shit about it. Hypocrisy is something that we find in the blood  of our “sanskaari Indian Society.” Movies , books , soaps and advertisements reflect our society. Our daily struggles , concepts , our way of thinking….. everything. And by airing such a racist advertisement , you are telling me that our dreams and aspirations  find wings only if you’re fair enough?!

The pressure on our today’s generation is just HUGE. In this competitive world , you have to excel in every field  , you just cannot afford to lose any race or let “Sharmaji’s beta” score more than you have.  The pressure to look flawless and perfect is even more in today’s tech-savvy world. Even though you have hundreds of filters your teeth must be perfectly aligned , your hair perfect and without split ends and oh , your face ? Without blemishes , scars , pimples or blackheads. To look good is as important as scoring a CGPA of 10 in your boards!

Its high time that we bring out a change “to this whole looking good fiasco”. You needn’t be fair or perfect , to be confident or to chase your dreams. For that , you need to love yourself because no one else will do that for you. Be comfortable in your own skin. From Serena Williams to Maya Angelou , from Oprah Winfrey to Tyra Banks have proved to the world that talent knows no color. At the end of the day , it is your hard work that will pay off , not your customized Jimmy- choo clutches or Gucci Handbags. Of course , you have to stay fair. You have to stay fair in this game called life , stay fair in your decisions and thoughts. And you will find for yourself that you will make a statement of your own in this world.

STAY UNfair.  STAY lovely.

PS.  "Black is Beautiful".  Period.

LoVe MoRe & sMiLe OfTeN!!!!!!!!!!

This is Midnight girl signing out..................:D :D

An Open Letter to My 15 Year Old self..... :)

Hey Midnight Girl ,

Hope you are staying awesome as you were. I know you are anxiously going through this letter , curious why I didn't manage  to track  you down on Facebook or Hangouts and freaking out seeing why they addressed you as Midnight Girl? Well , surprise!!!! Its YOU!.....three years into the future. And Spoiler Alert , you have not joined  any Institution for the "Repeat Sessions" you thought you would take to clear the Medical Entrance. Instead you have defied all the laws drawn by your relatives and social circles , went ahead and chose something that you thought was good for you.

I'm not writing this letter to tell you that things are going  to change and life ahead is not a path full of roses.I think you already know that. Our futures are unpredictable, and if we could gaze into them, we would know how to avoid certain situations and relationships, which would allow us to sail smoothly for the duration of our short lives. But I think , even at 15 , you know this would be purposeless , as experience fosters growth. And I promise you'll learn that lesson  brutally throughout the following years.  

You are going to meet a whole lot of new people, going to take a stand and fight off the entire world and trust an entirely wrong person. Fear not , initially all of this may sound strange to you and you may think whether you are strong enough to face all of it .But , at the end of the day , you are going to find your footing in this big bad world.

There are going to be haters and mean people who will try to let you down and frown you down in the baby steps you take towards your goal. Build your throne with the rocks they throw at you and learn to conquer and rule over them with your hard work and humility. There are going to be times in your life,  after all that hard work and stuff,  you may fail to reach where you wanted to be the most. Bad luck , others may say. But never be disheartened and most importantly , NEVER EVER think of giving up. Brace yourself up and prepare yourself to work the double with even more zest and enthusiasm.

Life , my dear girl , is going to give you a truck load of lemons . Learn to prepare some mock-tails and lemonade , serve it to others and savor some of it for yourself. You are going to make a million mistakes , but never forget to learn your lessons from them. You are going to feel lost  and may be confused about the decisions you are going to take for your future self.  Don't panic. Just breathe and do the stuff what YOU, (mind , only YOU) think is right. Never compromise with your self-respect , dignity and identity , come what may.

You are going to meet some wonderful people , who will grow to be your own family. They are the people you need to keep close , and even though you people are going to fight like cats and dogs , never LOSE them. Keep them close to your heart and treat them nicely. Never forget your roots , no matter how far you go in your life. The next three years aren't going to be easy , but they won't be impossible either. Nothing in your life is , your mindset will help you to overcome the unimaginable. Just remember to keep your heart open and the rest will follow. Start giving yourself a little more credit , you're not half as bad as you may think you are.

Read a ton of books. Create your own fictional world and characters. Allow your free spirit to soar and roam around. Watch good movies and listen up to some new bands. And above all , learn something new each day and find happiness in all the little things possible. Sure , there are going to be crappy days in your life. But never let those one day ruin your entire stack of good moments.

Loosen up yourself a bit , girl and learn to live IN the moment. You are so going to enjoy this ride!!!

With metric tons of love and some more ,
Midnight Girl.

PS. Do yourself a favor and clean your shelves. Some rude surprises are waiting for you.
Oh , and never wear your shoes without checking it. Again. Rude surprise.

LoVe MoRe & sMiLe OfTeN!!!!!!!!!!

This is Midnight girl signing out..................:D :D

AN ADIEU TO MY ALMA-MATER.

Its been approximately 5 months . I was done with my Finals , rushed down those steps and ran. For once , I looked back and took it all in. This was where I spent my 7 years , 7 long years ... apart from my home. And without a glance back , I hailed an auto and hopped into it. That was my "real" farewell. I'm sorry , if I disappoint you , but you think I miss you?. I don't.

You think I can live without you?  Oh yes , I can! 

You think I'm completely and irrevocably in love with you?  I ain't.

But then , the question arises. Why? Why a goodbye if you don't give a damn about me?

Because , every time I think about you , I feel like I'm back home. M.P Hall , where I stood as the new-comer on my very first day , knowing nothing about you. The place where , every morning , we used  to sing..."Daya kardan vidya ka..." It was the same place where our juniors bid us a colorful farewell on our last working day. You saw our futile promises to be in touch forever. But little did we know that , it would only take a couple of days to get busy with our own lives.

My Alma-Mater. You ARE deceiving. You promise a bunch of smarter kids and good grades. You talk big time about dreams and aspirations. And you definitely talk of making friendships, which you said was going to last for a lifetime. Why didn't you ever tell me that hearts break here? Why didn't you ever tell me that here , people don't make friends , they grow into a family? Why didn't you ever tell me that missing you would never be enough? WHY?

Do I talk about all those classes I'd wanted to but didn't bunk? Or do I say about all that excitement  we had for the Social Science Exhibitions? Or how we cheered for our Houses during our Sports Meet? And all the rush for sunglasses and jackets to look cool for our yearly tours? The excitement we had for the "zero-periods" which was allotted for the practice sessions for the Annual Day ? Or do I simply sit numb and the side walls in our MP Hall , trying to take in as much as possible?

The breeze will still blow.  They will take it in sitting in the playground , not us. Football will be played in the rain after school hours , uniforms will be drenched and there will be hoots and shouts in the playground. But they'll be playing , not us. The canteen will still be packed and the lime and egg-puffs will still taste heavenly. But they will have it , not us. The classes will get monotonous sometimes. They'll sleep during the class , not us. There will still be Inter-school Competitions. Bu they'll represent you , not us. There will still be morning assemblies , but they'll conduct the show , not us.

So , this is it. Is it a goodbye , then? Never. Good-byes are for occasions where you're sure that you will NEVER EVER meet in your good life. There are parts in me , grateful that the high school is over (finally) and one can step in to the next phase and never look back. Still , there is a part , which longs for you and grateful to you for moulding me up as a person that I'm today. My Alma-Mater. You'll be on top. Always.

PS.

"Once a KV'n , always a KV'n."

LoVe MoRe & sMiLe OfTeN!!!!!!!!!!

This is Midnight girl signing out..................:D :D

THE SPELLS AROUND ME..... :)

I was not the sort of a person who used to believe in fairy tales , you know? I still don’t. I know the never-ending corridors of castles,  the gowns and the ballrooms, the Prince charming and the fire breathing dragons … they are all a sham. Even as a kid , I had never thought myself to be a damsel in distress , who was waiting for her fairy godmother to make her wishes come true and then in need for her knight to rescue her from her cruel stepmother. No, I had never believed in that kind of magic…. never. But yes, throughout my life , I have experienced magic a lot of times to know that it truly exists.

I felt magic for the first time when I was four. I was lost in the crowd , my eyes searching for my dad among the rush and crying my heart out. I was looking for a familiar face and I was scared out of my wits. That moment , when my dad came rushing and held my hand , I found all of my tension dissipating away. He was there and it was all that mattered. My sorrows and worries were buried over a double scoop chocolate ice cream.

I felt the magic when I held my brand new Apsara pencil for the first time , and my teacher taught me how to write. The words flowed so easily on the paper and branded themselves there so boldly , that I instantly knew this was some advanced sorcery.

I felt the magic , the moment I was introduced to the world of books. You know the smell of stories… that old smell of wars and heart-breaks , love and lust , mystery and magic…. Which is addictive than any branded perfume available in today’s market. The moment I felt the pages in my hand , I could feel the spell working on me.

I felt the magic when I was carelessly wandering around the lush green meadows , drinking in all the freshness of white lilies , feeling the wind in my hair. I cared the least about the world , felt the wet mud under my feet and lost myself in the petrichor after the rain.

When I sat in the class with my best friend , laughing uncontrollably at some stupid joke , I felt the magic , the spell of happiness wind around me.

I felt magic when I sat watching the night sky and the stars listening to Enya’s “Only Time” which stirred a peaceful yet a zestful chord in my heart.

When I saw his face which raced my heartbeat and unleashed a ton of butterflies in the pit of my stomach , I felt the spark of magic. His unkempt curly hair which was all over his face , eyes which sparkled when he smiled …… it was magic , pure magic , when I experienced love for the very first time , his face alive in my dreams and my wishful world.

It was magic when I managed to track down my friends , whom I thought I had lost in the mad rush. It was even more wonderful to know that I still had a place in their hearts and they never actually erased me from their minds.

I felt the magic when my father hugged me tight and told me everything will be alright , when I was miserable and cribbing about everything I had lost , I felt all my worries dissolving.

No , I never believed in fairy tales , but magic , it is too much alive in the little things we do to ignore.

Too strong to not to feel its power.

Too potent to not believe in it with every ounce of our being.

Magic is everywhere. You just have to believe.

PS:

They say there is silver lining in every cloud.

May be , you're my lining.... :)

For you , a thousand times over. 

LoVe MoRe & sMiLe OfTeN!!!!!!!!!!

This is Midnight girl signing out..................:D :D

MY 10 RULES IN THE GAME CALLED "LIFE'.....:)

Its been 8 months since I wrote something. Really , 8 months , can you just believe that? And , trust me when I say you this , "a lot" can happen in 8 months. Wait , it can happen in a week too!!!!!!!! Come on , what about a day? A lot can happen in a day , right?
Talking about , happening a lot , I turned 18 last month. That means I can finally get my license! Wait a second......... it can also mean I would go to a real prison if I commit a crime , not the juvenile one (as my friend says , "just a food for thought"). All these years , I have learned something new , something to strive for and this time , its for keeps.


1. The less you care about what others think , the better your life will become.

There was a time when I used to think about what others think about me. I used to be someone what others wanted me to be. It was like wearing a mask , and trust me , when I say you this , there is nothing tiring than be someone others want you to. You may be weird , an introvert , extrovert , strange , awkward and may lack social skills (like me). But , always keep this in mind - you can never please everyone who comes in your way. Some times , its about you. Seize the moment and live it up!


2. Don't Expect.

I'm smiling while writing this because , this is what one of my friends always used to say and I used to argue with him. He doesn't crib when people does not wish him during his birthdays , it doesn't matter to him if people don't have time for him. He is always this "Logical-practical-guy" who has solution almost to my every problem and is happy as long as there is a football match and Messi is playing. The key to be like him is simple......Just "don't expect." Don't expect people to be nice to you just because you are nice to them. One should always hope , but one should never expect. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.


3. Take Risks. Fall. Rise again.

I'm a Science Student. Yes , I poured my two years over the messy carbon chains and benzene rings , and the pressure and the refractive index of the glass and over the DNA helix and Kranz anatomy...... Only to realize that my passion was for the ballads of Shakespeare and "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen. Or in Marie Antionnite. French Revolution. Otto von Bismarck. Khilafat movement. Sufism. 

And guess what? Instead of spending my time in "cliched-entrance-cult" , I'm pouring my time in History and Political Science. When I say I don't want to be a doctor or an engineer, The "No-Job-Social-Club" heaves a sigh and tells me how dumb I'm. Thank you , for your feedback , but I'm doing something I love. This may turn out to be a wrong decision , but I don't care. Life is a game and I'm not afraid to fall. I'm ready to go on the wrong tack , but I can also jog back and finish it in style.  Just watch me win this... ;)

4. Make a bucketlist!

 A Bucket list includes the dreams and wishes you want to achieve before you die. I made one when I was in 10th class. And I make sure I keep it close to me. Just to remind me of the places I want to go , people I want to meet , stupid things I want to do .  It ranges from getting a tattoo to watch northern lights from Finland...... Sounds crazy , right? But , it always gives me the motivation and push towards my dreams. So , trust me when I say you this.... Grab a piece of paper and pen , scribble down everything you want to do before you die and keep it close. You will never regret this.

5. Love Yourself.

You may be tall , lean , thin , skinny , chubby ,fat , may be outspoken , silent..... it doesn't matter unless and until you LOVE yourself. No one is going to love you the way you want to. Prince Charming is not going to come with a shoe and no one will get you the moons or stars from the sky. Sometimes , you have to LOVE yourself enough to shine among the crowd. Never pull yourself down , just because you think you are having a bad hair day or just because your teeth looks a bit crooked. You don't need filters and selfies to make you feel beautiful. You are perfect the way you are.

6.Never Judge People.

Two years back , I had this huge fight with a guy from my class.  It was totally the ugly sort kind where you throw mud at each other. I thought him to be a total jerk and wanted to murder him in the middle of the night. ( Sometimes , I still want to do that...;D) But an year later , when I got to know him better , I realized that he was a nice person , (inside and out)  , well-mannered and polished. Had I kept the notion that he was still a jerk and showed my airs , I would have lost an amazing friend then and there. Never keep notions about someone. What they did to you earlier is a thing of past. People change, so give them a chance and be true to who you are.

7 .Be confident!

I was in 9th class when I was first  diagnosed with Psoriasis and I didn't even know what the hell did that mean. By the end of the year , my hands and legs were covered with scaly and dry patches. It would itch terribly and I used to scratch it till I was bleeding. Every night was a torture , I couldn't sleep and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. It slowly started spreading to my face and I was literally terrified. I was frustrated all the time and I couldn't even help seeing myself in the mirror. My self-confidence broke. I was afraid of meeting and talking with new people, the idea of going to school everyday was revolting. I used to love doing speeches and it turned out be my worst -est nightmare.

But little by little , I picked myself. I decided to face my fear rather than choosing to run away from it. At that point , I realized that genuine people doesn't give a shit about how you look. If you are talented enough and honest in your work , nothing can stop you from achieving your dreams. You just have to be confident enough to stick to your motto of "carpe-diem".

8. Never Lose Hope.

I keep this motto close to my heart. In that boxing ring , the 10 ft giant called "LIFE" is going to knock you down several times. Sometimes he may punch right in your head and leave you bloodied and broken. But , even though at times , you want to give up the hope , NEVER EVER think about it. Pick yourself for a Round 2 and challenge the monster and beat the hell out of him. And trust me , this time the victory will be yours! After all I do abide by "The sun goes down , the stars come out..."..

9. Haters Gonna Hate , Hate  , Hate.

If you are going to do things your way , there are definitely going to be haters who are going to hate you and say mean things about you behind your back. They hate you just because they are seeing a reflection of what they wish to be.  And as Taylor Swift said , "haters gonna hate hate hate.... all you have to do is to SHAKE IT OFF".

10. Do what your heart tells you. People are going to be mean anyway......:)

Never be afraid to do something new or something you love , thinking what other people will think about you. They are going to judge you anyway. Remember , there are approx. 6 ,775, 235 , 842 people in the world. Never let one of them to ruin your dreams or bring you down!

P.S. Its 2 in the morning , but I had the fun of blogging after a really long time , all thanks to you. (you know who you are and I'm glad that you gave me the dare.)

Love More and Smile Often!!!

This is the Midnight girl signing out..... ;) :)